Yes, you read the title correctly. In my opinion, your child
will eventually need a cell phone, and they will need it before the teenage
years hit full throttle. Many parents are shocked to have a doctor tell them
that. I know from talking to many parents that the issue of cell phones can be
stressful, and opinions on cell phones vary greatly. Some of you may be inclined
to get your child a cell phone at a very young age (lets say 8) especially if
there are two working parents who have a harder time keeping tabs on their kids
during after-school activities and events.
Others want to get their child a cell phone but aren’t sure what is the best age.
Still other parents might be thinking “I didn’t have a cell phone when I was
growing up and I did just fine, so my child doesn’t need one either”. I’m sorry
to say that this logic doesn’t apply to cell phones. Your child will eventually
need a cell phone. Allow me to explain.
Pre-teen and teen culture has radically changed since you
hit the middle school scene. Nowadays, your child lives in a world where real
time communication (via texting, email, facebook, twitter, etc.) is not only
the norm, but is the foundation for their social world. Teens can and do
communicate in real time about everything. There is no waiting to get home from
school to call a friend to talk about what happened on the bus. There is
immediate real-time discussion of events, real-time planning of social
activities, real-time making of friendships and bonding. Face-to-face
conversations obviously still occur, but the expectation and the reality is
that the communication continues right up until the next face-to-face
conversation. Communication is fast and furious.
I know it can be hard for parents to really understand this
world and what impact not having a cell phone could have. To put it in
perspective, imagine that you, when you were a teen, were only allowed to talk
to your friends once every other day. All of your other friends were talking
multiple times during the day in class, at lunch, on the bus, on the phone
after school. What kind of toll
would that eventually have on your social life, your friendships, and even your
self-esteem? Some of you might think this example sounds extreme, but I think it appropriately conveys how critical a cell phone is to teen social life.
Pre-teen and teen years are tumultuous, difficult years
spent trying to figure out who you are and trying to fit in. Without a cell
phone by a reasonable age, by 13 or 14, these years will be much harder. Teens without phones will be excluded from much of the communication that is going on
about their world. They will be out of the loop on the social scene, they will
be behind the times in terms of teen current events, and they will have a
harder time fitting in. Friendships will be more difficult to make and keep as
they potentially become a social afterthought. Each child is unique, so the toll
this might take on them varies greatly.
But why put them at risk for social hardship and increase the chance of
mental health issues such as depression and self-injury? Cell phones are a very
real and important part of your child’s world and your child will need one to
fit in.
If your policy is “no cell phones” for your teen or you are inclined to
wait much past age 14, I urge you to think twice and fully consider all of the
implications of this decision. If you are struggling to understand what age is
right for your child, start by talking to them. Regardless of your opinions,
know that as the parent, you play an instrumental role in making a cell phone a
successful venture for your child. Start getting ready. My next couple blog
posts will help you get started.
www.joshuaweinermd.com
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